Just for Gits & Shiggles

103_0700To get my feet back into the blog water after a week off, I thought I’d share a few things that make me laugh.  Just for gits and shiggles.

Death by Bottomless Pit

Low-budget movies can be hilarious – without meaning to be.  Big D and I like to perform our own version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 when we can’t find a “good” movie to watch.  Ironically, it was a MST3000 movie we were watching when one of the main characters told the sad story of the death of her father.  He had fallen into a bottomless pit – never to return.

I can’t believe Tom Servo and Crow missed this golden opportunity that Big D and I couldn’t help riffing on.  “Uh, you mean he died of starvation?  Or just pure boredom.  How many days would that take, exactly?  Can you picture it?  ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . . Ahhhhhhh. . . Ahhhhh. . .  Ahhh. . .  Ahh. . .  Ah. . .  Yawn.’ “

Always be Prepared for Spontaneous Combustion

I was thinking of finishing my kitchen island with a product to keep it glossy and protected, when I read the warning on the back of the can, “Be prepared.  This product could spontaneously combust.”

Ummm. . .  How exactly does one prepare for something that is not only by definition, but by title, SPONTANEOUS?  And why would one want to?

That could really ruin my mornings, you know.  “Babe, could you pass the orange juice?  And, when you get a minute, the island’s on fire again.”

Pass.

103_7321Well. . . I Almost Had to Wait!

Do you remember this line from the movie Overboard?

I couldn’t help but think of it when I went to pay a bill a few weeks ago.  The woman behind the counter remarked, “I see you only had two more days to pay this.”

I almost drew blood from my tongue as I held back, “In other words, I PAID IT ON TIME!”  For Pete’s sake, if you want me to pay the bill in 15 days, then why don’t you just make the bill due in 15 days?

Which reminds me of another great line from another great movie:

Lay Your Cards on the Table

Big D and I like to gather around the table for coffee and cards whenever we get together with his aunt and uncle.  Skip Bo is our game of choice, and we can play for hours.  We like to pair up – men against women, and the conversations are always colorful.  Doug’s aunt and uncle are some of the best friends we have, and some of the funniest people we know.  His aunt is 5 foot nothin’, tough as nails, and as generous as a dream.  His uncle will do just about anything for a laugh, and literally wakes up whistling every morning.

Once, when the guys were down by a few hands, Big D’s uncle was getting frustrated.  He was tired of losing, and he was sure that they were about to lose again.

Big D’s aunt, who is believed by her husband to be one of the luckiest people in the world, said with a bit of competitive condescension, “Ahh, hang in there.  The game’s not over yet.  Just think positive.”

And Big D’s uncle answered with this quintessential summary of his own personality:

“I do think positive. . .  BUT IT DON’T DO ME NO GOOD!”

103_3638- Anita, Noted in Nashville

Fear Itself: Awareness, Part III

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Part III Catch up on Fear Itself: Awareness, Part II here. A wise man once told me, “Aware people are happy people.”  I have questioned the authenticity of this pearl from time to time – especially at the height of … Continue reading

Irish Soda Bread Success

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Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! I am a wee bit o’ Irish.  I’ve always thought that wee bit was my funny bone.  But the only proof I have is that I find Conan O’Brien’s self-deprecating humor hilarious.  Using that logic, I’m … Continue reading

Fear Itself: Awareness, Part II

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aware – knowing that something (such as a situation, condition, or problem) exists feeling, experiencing, or noticing something (such as a sound, sensation, or emotion) knowing and understanding a lot about what is happening in the world or around you … Continue reading

Fear Itself: Awareness, Part I

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I wasn’t always afraid to sing or perform in front of others, of course.  Phobias aren’t delivered when we are.  “Congratulations!  It’s a girl . . . with Friggatriskaidekaphobia, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Ablutophobia, so good luck with her first … Continue reading

You Tubular

You Tubular

When You Tube suggested I make a commercial to boost my channel’s ratings, the words “cross promotion” came to mind.  What a brilliant idea they had!  Get more people to view my videos, and lure them over to the blog.  After just a few days of running the commercial, I noticed that my number of You Tube subscribers had jumped up by ten.

And then I got reading glasses.

That number was a little smaller than I originally thought. . .  By nine.

So, the bad news is that my near vision has declined.  But the good news is that my distance vision has improved by a lot since college.  An allegory for life?  Let’s hope so.

 

And with my long-distance visions in mind, I put together a long-overdue demo of my studio work – a vocal sampler like a box of Valentine’s chocolates.  Please let me know if there are any you’d like to spit out.

P.S.  The first song is a sneak peek (or would that be a near hear?) of our new song, coming soon.

- Anita, Noted in Nashville

Fear Itself: The Play of Down

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A couple of weeks ago – which is like, forever in the world of social media – when Russell Wilson was merely a newbie NFC champion, he asked the advice of four-time “The Big Game” winner Terry Bradshaw. “What do … Continue reading

“Fear Itself” Series: My Journey to Overcome Stage Fright

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We were the last to arrive, the last on the list of songwriters, and the last on stage.  I thought that being last was a blessing.  I believed it would allow the tension to escape the room in time for … Continue reading

The Quiet Crunch

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The Quiet Crunch I’ve been a little quiet on the blog lately.  I’m always a little quiet when I’m up to no good. Actually, the reverse is true.  I’m quietest when I’m working on or toward something that matters to … Continue reading